We hear this term baggage thrown around all the time…
“He has baggage, or he has a crazy ex, or he’s been divorced, or he has kids”
And it can be really easy to label a potential partner as having too much baggage.
Ironically, we can actually do the same thing to ourselves.
We can feel so ashamed of our past we almost hide it or feel we have to divulge it immediately out of embarrassment.
And the big problem with both of these, both labeling a potential partner, and labeling ourselves, is that we miss out on a lot of really amazing opportunities.
It’s a massive problem if you reject love because of baggage.
But it’s also a massive problem if you can’t discern baggage from a red flag.
I don’t actually view baggage as a bad thing.
But you need to know what the difference is between someone who has unpacked their baggage and someone who has not unpacked their baggage, because if they haven’t unpacked, if they haven’t done the laundry, if they haven’t put away their clothes after their last relationship journey, then it will feel heavy. And that goes for you, as well.
If you don’t understand the difference between baggage and life experience, then you can either end up with someone who hasn’t healed from the past, or you can attract someone who says one thing, but whose actions say another thing.
You really need to understand this key concept, or else you might end up in one of those situations, leading to a break-up, or cheating, or something like that. And I don’t want that for you.
Baggage is really only heavy if we haven’t done our work.
So what does it mean to do our work?
Doing our work is kind of like doing the laundry after you get back from a long trip, and shaking the sand out of your suitcase, and ironing your clothes if any of them got wrinkled that you didn’t wear, and putting away your toiletries, and cleaning out the inside of your toiletry kit if the conditioner exploded in the airplane.
All of those things that we do when we go on a journey and a relationship is no different.
Relationships have turbulence. They have their ups and down. They have their romantic getaways and amazing experiences, but they come with experiences that if we haven’t unpacked, if we haven’t done that metaphorical laundry, then we can either be in a position where we’re not being the sort of partner that we would ideally like to be, or it can attract someone who is not being the ideal partner that we need in our life.
Now, this is all something that’s absolutely solvable when you know how to process it on your own baggage, and when you know how to discern with a potential partner whether it’s a red flag or whether it’s baggage.
Even my clients have had baggage. A woman that I worked with was single for eight years. She had gotten divorced after her ex-husband cheated on her, and she had pretty much almost given up on love.
She had done a few little online dating things, but nothing had been panning out, and she had met a guy long-distance, and that also wasn’t working. And she literally felt like she had too much baggage in order to be worthy of love.
Good new that her limiting belief was totally false, because within six weeks of joining our program (Queens of Pleasure or QOP), she found an amazing guy, and then six weeks after that he proposed.
This is just an example of how if you’re labeling your past as baggage, and making yourself feel small for what you’ve experienced, you’re missing this huge opportunity.
Not only for your own healing and transformation, but also for your own opportunity to be in that next great, amazing relationship, and go on trips together, and have experienced together. Maybe even start a family together. Maybe even get married. So I don’t want you to miss out on something amazing in the future because you’re still judging yourself based on the past.
What is your baggage?
Are you ready to get rid of it and go on your next journey of love?
Xoxo, Violet
I’d love to help you unpack what’s happened in the past, if you’re ready to make a change. There are a few spots still open this week for women who are absolutely committed to love. If that’s you, pick out a time for your free Breakthrough to Love session here: www.violetlange.com/apply
