I want to save you a boatload of time (and heartbreak) this year and help you stop self-sabotaging your opportunities for love — or the relationship you are currently in.


After talking to thousands of woman, here’s what NOT to do if you want an incredible, lasting love.


1–Disconnect Your Heart


If you’re wanting love, you need to be able to FEEL. To connect to your heart. Most people don’t know how to do this, so they overanalyze, defend, and compete with their partner or date. Ouch.


2–Betray Yourself


Lots of women complain about being betrayed…and I know this hurts to acknowledge, but many times those same women have betrayed themselves, long before the infidelity. They betrayed their truth and their needs, and walked on eggshells in order to please.


3–Get Advice from Single Women


Look if they are single, they don’t have love figured out. I don’t care if it’s a coach, your best friend, or your hairdresser. Only take advice from someone who is in a healthy relationship.


4–Hide Behind the Apps


Online dating can work — 20% of relationships start online — but you have to know how to do it because 30% of people online have NEVER met anyone in person. That’s a lot of people just wasting time. Don’t be a hermit at home swiping — get out and meet people in real life too.


5–Make it a Numbers Game


Dating is NOT a numbers game. Why go on 150 dates if you can have the result you want (love) with only going on 4? Learn how to date effectively and efficiently so it takes weeks — not years — to find your partner.


6–Forget About Love


Don’t get so wrapped up in dating strategy or profiles that you forget WHY you are doing this! Love! Romance! Adventure! Commitment! The apps want you to play game, well, forever. You know better.


7–Make His Love More Important Than Your Respect


When you put his validation and approval of you higher than your respect for yourself, you’re trapped in needing his external appreciation. This will never feel good enough because you can never know how he feels for you until you see consistent behavior from him over time. Not just a few words. Choose a partner with integrity.


8–Do This Alone


If you’re flying solo trying to navigate dating, and all your married friends have amnesia about what it’s like to date, it can be lonely. But per #3 above, how can you get support then? Find a mentor you jive with and get professional help. Love is just as important as health and wealth, and people know they need professionals (doctors, accountants, lawyers) in those areas…you need a professional in love too.


9–Tell Yourself It’ll Happen Someday (but staying stuck in fantasy land)


It shocks me when I talk to women who have been single for years, and who have missed out on decades of partnership or the ability to have kids. When I ask them what happened, if they always wanted love but didn’t get it? They say “well I was just hoping I’d meet a great guy.” Look we can’t just hope food will show up in our fridge…we can’t just hope the right guy will show up if we haven’t changed our patterns.


10–Lose Touch with Your Passion


You are meant to be a sensual creature! To be connected to your body and to feel confident. To turn heads when you walk into a room. Don’t hide your feminine essence. It’s unique to you and absolutely magnetic.


If you need help with one or more of these areas, I’d love to talk.


You can totally create an incredible partnership which makes you do the happy dance every time you see your man!


Don’t let these 10 things get in your way — get the mentorship you need.


Xoxo, Violet


PS if you can’t see your own blind spots or suspect there’s something going on here, but aren’t sure where to start, our free 45 Breakthrough to Love session is the perfect way to get clarity. So many women are signing up for these and kicking their year off right — select your spot right now here: www.violetlange.com/talk

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