I want to chat about getting ready for dating, as you get ready for love this summer and as you build your identity around your level of commitment to love.
I know that every woman that I speak to is always like
“he had commitment issues”
“there was this or there was that”
but what I find is that a lot of times us women, we have our own commitment issues.
That’s just part of being feminine in some ways
we’re always flowing,
we’re always ebbing,
we’re like oh that feels good,
no that’s different and I want to do this now…
Part of the beauty of being a woman is the feeling of change through our emotions and our desires.
But that can get us into trouble when we’re not that committed to a relationship and we’re not that committed to ourselves.
So when I ask and share about what it means to be committed to love and committed to yourself it means,
how willing are you to stick with it when things don’t feel easy, both in a relationship but also in the search for your partner and the receiving of your partner?
And I also mean in terms of commitment like how devoted are you to yourself and to the process?
Because dating and relationships are complex, it’s easy to want to give up and it’s very easy to get trapped in doubt or fear.
But what we really need is to be able to stay so committed to ourselves and to get the help that we need…
so that we can move through those obstacles with grace and with self-awareness, instead of recreating an old pattern.
So when I talk about spring cleaning and fresh start and I talk about getting ready for love,
I’m talking about your new identity but also about deepening your commitment.
One of my teachers always says that
“we either change through total panic — through going through something traumatic…
Or we change because our vision, and our commitment to our vision, is so BIG that we can’t stay where we are right now any longer.”
But have you ever had fear come up?
Were you ever afraid to make a commitment? Or afraid to admit that you really wanted a partner or a family?
Some women stay small and contracted and sometimes even smug about it like
“oh I’m independent, I don’t need that I’m just a career woman”
“I’ve already had a few great relationships”
“I already have kids, I don’t need love, I’ll just be single”
but what I find underneath the surface of a lot of that is just the pain of the fear of maybe not getting what we want.
If we peel back the onion and go deeper into our heart, oftentimes we find that there’s this part of us that deeply, deeply, deeply wants love and wants to be able to commit to having love in our life,
but that we’ve been afraid to make that commitment and stake that claim.
You can either wait until it gets really bad, like attracting more narcissists or having more break-ups or punishing yourself by attracting the wrong men…
You can wait until you get into that dark place where you need a life raft…
Or you can commit to yourself. You can say “You know what? I deserve amazing love, I’m totally committed to it and I’m super excited about it.”
We ramp up our level of change when we ramp up our level of commitment.
What I find is really fun is to instead of spending all our time focusing on the past, to just increase your level commitment and then spend time dreaming into that.
How does it feel to be with your amazing partner?
How does it feel to go on a vacation together?
Would you go to southern Spain or would you go to the Canary Islands or would you go to Fiji or would you go on a cruise to Alaska
What lights your fire?
What makes you excited?
P.S. We offer a limited number of free 45-minute Breakthrough to Love sessions, which is a great opportunity to really understand your past patterns, what it is that you want in the future, and especially for this time of year, how to make this summer the best summer of love that you’ve ever had. You can grab a spot here violetlange.com/apply