I didn’t want to write (or send) this blog today…

I feel disgusted by all of the toxic masculine, all of the abuse and trauma and harassment that women (and men) face.

While I had planned to continue with day four of our five part series on the healthy masculine, focusing on what healthy men want — at a time like this — feels a bit odd.

And yet, it feels necessary…

The unhealthy masculine wants to control us. It wants to make us submissive. It wants to reroute our plans and leave us feeling paralyzed.

If I let the unhealthy, toxic masculine have it’s way, I wouldn’t send blogs (including this one) or have a voice. I would give up and feel helpless, or stay broiling in my rage.

But I refuse to let the unhealthy masculine dim my light or hold me back and I refuse to let it keep me from helping women who want healthy partnership.

I will speak and write and move the way I want.

I will focus on HEALTHY masculine instead of rejecting all men, which serves neither men or women.

The unhealthy masculine wants to control you and wants you to be blindly submissive. It wants to grab what it can, without any regard for the other party.

The healthy masculine wants you to have true choice.

Healthy men want a woman who is a true PARTNER…a woman who chooses to be with him, from respect and love, not from a skewed power dynamic.

This does not mean submission. What it does mean is a flow between partners — reciprocal, attuned, engaging.

When we reject all men, when we shame all men, and when we emasculate all men, it doesn’t solve the problem

(although at times it may feel like our only option and may be necessary for a short period in our development and processing).

Being a receptive partner means noticing how you are receiving the other person — is it easy to be with them? Do they make you feel safe? Is there congruence between their actions and words?

If you are receiving someone and it doesn’t feel good, or if it feels too charismatic and too overwhelming, leave. Do not stay with that person.

If you are receiving someone and it does feel good, stay connected to yourself. Don’t rush in. Ask, are they receptive to me too? Is there shared power?

When we feel safe with a partner, we can feel safe receiving. If you don’t feel safe with someone, take care of yourself and leave the situation or get help strengthening your nervous system until you’re strong enough to leave.

Sometimes we get triggered and our inner child needs soothing…

someone may not be intending to hurt us, they may be a receptive partner to us, but didn’t realize something was triggering.

So we also have the opportunity to learn how to regulate our nervous system as we create healthy partnership.

I invite you to not submit. To know your worth and your power. And, I also invite you to be dynamically receptive and to find a partner who can meet you there.

Xoxo, Violet

PS I love to help women learn to attract healthy men and create fulfilling, reciprocal partnerships. I offer free Breakthrough to Love sessions if you’re ready to change your patterns and move into more power. Just find your time here: www.violetlange.com/talk  

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