Are you taking dating and love WAY too seriously? 

Are you responding to his messages like a deal-maker, or a love-maker? 

Ironically, the more serious of a relationship you want, the lighter you need to hold it and the more fun you need to have. 

I am NOT saying to put up with nonsense, or feel like you need to date casually forever. 

But what I am saying, is that if you’re used to running the show at work or pushing yourself hard at the gym, you may have turned into a hard-driver in dating too, which can totally backfire.

When we treat our love life like our work life, we respond to text messages in short, curt, harsh ways…

We get hypercritical of potential partners…

We focus so much on what we’re NOT getting that we forget to enjoy each message and savor each date.

Which makes the dating experience a total turnoff for an alpha man.

Sure, a more beta guy will love your hard-charging demeanor, but you’ll probably lose respect for him at some point and there goes the libido.

This doesn’t you have to smile all the time, or be sugar and spice and everything nice.

But what it does mean is that it may be time to LIGHTEN up. To actually have FUN with dating!

When my clients tell me they’re having such a great time — because the guys they meet are treating them like Queens, because they’re attracting way better men online, because these men are pursuing them vs leaving them with anxiety — my heart sings.

It’s so FUN to watch a woman fall in love with a HEALTHY man and with herself. And this never happens when she’s being hard on herself or a perfectionist with others. It always happens when we hold things lightly and remember to have more time for PLAY in our lives.

A true partnership will have plenty of challenges to work through as you merge two separate lives and keep your independence at the same time…

When we’re in true partnership, we bare our souls, and it can be messy.

The only way to keep dating (and relationship) going strong is to remember how to have fun too, and how to keep things light, fresh, and easy (without compromising your boundaries or your standards).

The more serious of a relationship you want, the more fun you need to have in your approach to love. It’s just that simple — but not that easy to implement. 

When Cassie started working with me, she had sworn off dating for years. 

Heartbroken from meeting men who only liked her power (but couldn’t hold her in her vulnerability, and who really wanted a mom more than a wife), she was sick of being rejected for showing who she was after the first few dates. 

In addition to that, she had dated a guy long distance for years off and on who never could really inspire her…they both danced around the issue of commitment until they got exhausted and gave up. 

Cassie’s life was rich and full — great job, loving child who was grown, deep spiritual life. But she was missing the one piece that pulled it all together, and was craving someone who would accept and cherish her for all she was, including when things were hard. 

One of the things Cassie learned in my program Queens of Pleasure (date like a Queen, attract your King, and feel fabulous along the way!) was to adjust her style of communication, and her energy, to have way more fun. She realized she was in work-mode all the time and it was pushing away the alpha men who DID want to pursue her. 

In addition we worked on her boundaries and her vulnerability, and we worked on her allowing herself to really be seen as the Queen she is, instead of hiding behind her work.

Now she’s dating multiple men, and having more fun than ever. She’s pacing these potential relationships slowly, savoring every step, and keeping it light. She’s a Queen afterall, so she has plenty of CHOICES now about who she wants to date and how she wants to feel. And the men keep coming back for more, even though there’s no physical aspect of these relationships, they have fun with her and desire her company, her brilliance, and her charm.

Are you ready to have your pick of alpha men? Are you ready to get into a serious relationship by having more fun along the way, without compromising your standards?

Xoxo Violet

PS if you have a hard time knowing how to date or how to attract an alpha guy…if you get too serious too soon…or if you get heartbroken with short term relationships over and over again, let’s talk. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we won’t know if we can help you until we talk with you and see what’s going on. Just set up your complimentary Discovery call here — it’s just 20 minutes and could totally change your life: 

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