In my Facebook Live video last week on how to draw a man closer, there were quite a few women who commented and said something that shocked me… 

They said, “when I try to be vulnerable it doesn’t work.” 


This took me by surprise for two reasons. 

One, I feel protective of anyone who’s sharing from the heart, and their feelings are shamed or disregarded. 

Not cool! 

A real man will cherish your feelings, desires, and needs.

He may not be able to meet your needs — for instance, he may not want kids, and you do…but he won’t make you feel bad about expressing yourself.

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around someone or if they always tear you down, I have one word for you:


But seriously, the foundation of a healthy relationship is emotional safety.

If you don’t feel safe to express how you feel, then it’s going make it more challenging to relate…

This can impact not only the emotional connection but also our sex life too.

Often if we can’t open up to someone with our heart, it’s hard to do with our body as well.

However, and this is a big deal, you might be sharing (being vulnerable) in a way that’s not serving you…

This was the second thing which shocked me when a few women said they couldn’t be vulnerable…

It shocked me that their best intentions — to share, to give and receive love — were having the opposite effect of what they wanted!

There IS a particular way of sharing which invites a man closer.

And a particular way which will backfire every time. 

The difference?

Taking ownership of your experience.

If you share how you feel from a place of neediness or whining or blame, that will never work

If you share how you feel from a place of expressing your truth in the moment, that will wake a man up.

Here’s an example:

“You never call me! How can we be dating for a month and you’ve never called. You don’t even care about me. Ugh!”


“I feel kinda anxious because I do not feel as connected to you as I’d like. I love getting to know you, and I admire what you have to say…plus it gets me excited 🙂 I want to give you plenty of space, and I also want to feel our connection getting deeper and deeper. Would you be able to call me sometime this week? That would feel so good! I’d be excited.” 

It does take more effort to communicate in a way that’s vulnerable AND gives a man space to step up.

In the example I shared, it took about double the number of words.

But wow will that save you time down the road!

If he said “no, I won’t call you,” or said “sure” but never did…

then you’d have useful information on how committed and interested he is, and how able he is to honor his commitments to you. 

It wouldn’t be personal — you could stay angry in the first example and fight about it, or speak clearly, be vulnerable, and then move on if he isn’t able to support you how you want.

Which would save you another 3 to 6 months of feeling anxious and upset that he’s not calling you…and save you the heartache of him pulling away more and more and more till he’s gone. 

Does this make sense?

If you’re not sure how to open up and share more in a way that draws him closer…

If you’ve attracted men who don’t value you, who don’t protect you,

Or if you’re ready to learn a better way to express yourself, 

Then relating through vulnerability is key. 

With the right man, and in the right way. 

When you master this, the whole world opens up to you!

Not just through deeper emotional connection, better intimacy, and getting what you want from your partner, 

But it also attracts genuine men to you who want to protect you. 

And, it gives you the power to get what you want and share how you feel in any situation.

My clients have upgraded their romantic lives, sure, but they’ve also become the empowered, confident woman they always wanted to be.

The more you share in the right way, the more powerful you become. Vulnerability IS strength!

Xoxo, Violet

P.S. if you want to check out our Facebook Live videos, just click to join our private Facebook Group the Art of Passionate Intimacy. There are about 50 great videos and a community of 1500+ incredible women mastering love.


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