Wow! I am so excited…in just 10 days I will be in Paris, the city of love, the city of light, with women in my year-long program Queens Club.
I am over-the-moon (and over-the-Atlantic ;-)) thrilled about this luxurious gathering.
Because these women have done a remarkable job of committing to themselves and the practices/tools…
Because they have shown up for themselves and each other again and again with compassion and understanding…
Because they’ve crushed old patterns of shame, rejection, fear, and suffering.
And they’ve looked pretty good doing it 🙂
Not because they’re perfect, but because they allowed themselves to get real.
It takes a lot of courage to say yes to yourself, to dream bigger, and to say “hell no” to repeating the past.
It takes a lot of love to trust yourself and a new tribe, to let down your guard, and to ask for help.
But that’s the only way we grow as humans and in a community.
The secret to attracting an amazing man and having an incredible romance?
It is an actively surrendered process.
It only happens when you’re willing to grow and let go.
All of these women have recovered from heartbreak and started dating again.
Many of them have already had a relationship or two since our journey began.
They started just where you might be right now — frustrated, ready for a change, and maybe getting a little sick of the stories…and definitely sick of the break-ups.
I had a realization the other day as I was planning a fun excursion for our Paris trip, that even though I’m only 37, there are only so many more trips I will take in my lifetime.
It was an epiphany for me to get moving…
To let go of the indulgence of wallowing in my doubts, fears, sadness, etc.
I used to spend weeks and even months feeling sorry for myself, complaining, hoping things would change but not taking any different actions with true guidance and support.
I knew if I wanted to meet my partner and have an out-of-this-world romance, I had no time for those negativities.
But it was almost like I enjoyed being stuck!
Life truly makes it easy to stay stuck. It makes it easy to batten down the hatches.
I felt that way after a miscarriage…after my divorce…after processing the sexual abuse.
I was “done” with the way things were, but I wasn’t yet making any actual, practical shifts.
There are a million pivot points in our life where we can choose success or sadness in love.
I remember a major one for me…
I was dating a guy who lived in Turks and Caicos, who had tons of money, and we had tons of passion.
He was smart, charming, and talked about our future.
We even had a crazy story of how we met — at a wedding in Columbia (we were both guests).
But something didn’t feel right.
There were explosive emotions.
He would switch off his empathy and “go cold”.
After telling me he wanted a family, he changed his mind and said he would never get married.
And then he even tried to sleep with one of my friends.
We were supposed to meet in New York City for a weekend.
Hours before my flight from L.A., I was a zombie…I was packing but I wasn’t present. I was numb to my intuition.
I went to the airport, got to the gate, and watched everyone board.
I held my ticket and kept looking down, but my feet wouldn’t move.
A feeling of terror and excitement spread through me as they announced the last boarding and then shut the door.
There I was with my red rolling suitcase, only 5 miles from my home, wondering what the heck I had done by not getting on that flight.
I went to the counter, told the agent that I was supposed to be on that plane,
but my “boyfriend” (he didn’t like labels) had been trying to sleep with my friend, and I just couldn’t do it — I couldn’t go.
Miraculously, the gate agent smiled. She said “honey, I get it. Let me get you some flight credit.”
My entire flight fee was refunded to me! And I used it on a trip of my own to Miami a few months later.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had gotten on that flight…
How many more months or years of misery would I have endured for the future promise of connection?
In the airport that evening, it was clear I was at a pivot point.
I chose — consciously or not — to get unstuck. To not board that plane. To say no to this guy who was ruining my confidence and sanity.
Are you at a pivot point right now? In dating or a relationship?
Are you getting on a plane to Narcissistia? Or are you flying to Paris?
Life is a trip. You get to choose.
Xoxo, Violet
PS if you are ready for a new adventure in love, and are willing to take bold action to change your past for a thrilling future, without the story and struggle, I’d love to talk. Sign up here for a free Breakthrough to Love session. On that 45 minute call, you’ll get certainty on what needs to pivot in your love life, and on where it is you want to go. Use this link now to select your seat, err, I mean spot! 🙂 www.violetlange.com/apply
