Does it happen to you?
Does it happen to you more often with men that you’ve been meeting online?
Does it happen later, after you’ve been messaging a while, or does it happen right away?
I think that every woman who’s dated in the modern world has experienced this thing!
How do you get it to stop?
First, you have to understand that a third of all people online actually have never met up with anyone they met online.
So that means they’re just trolling, they’re looking at pictures, they may be messaging people, but they have zero intention of actually meeting up, let alone getting into a relationship.
Second, online dating is a lot like a video game. There’s no “consequence” and it’s a major breakdown of social decorum with these technologies.
So people all of the sudden think it’s okay to send everything from an innuendo to an inappropriate picture.
And I’m not judging that, it’s just something that is happening, and for some women, maybe that’s okay, and for some men, maybe that’s okay.
But the problem is, if you don’t even really know someone, it can be really off putting, for most women that I talk to and most women that I work with.
Now some men know this, and they just don’t care.
They want to get a rise out of women, they want to see what sticks, they want to just express themselves in this way because it might be the only place in their life where they’re able to express themselves sexually.
Maybe they haven’t been in a relationship for a long time.
Maybe they’re in an unhappy relationship.
So not only do we have a third of people online that aren’t even ever meeting someone in person in real life, we also have this forum for sexuality that is oftentimes repressed sexuality from men.
The problem is that men who are getting their sexual needs met online aren’t putting in a filter about what is appropriate and not appropriate.
They almost become porn stars in their own mind.
They almost become addicted to watching porn and viewing sexuality through a distance.
And so to text a woman a lewd picture or to say something crass, yes, they should know better, but it’s also part of this “sexual needs only getting met through the online” aspect that makes things a little bit weird and reduces the ability for men to check in with themselves and think:
“Okay, this is not a porn star that I’m texting…”
This is actually a live person, and someone who has needs, and wants, and all of these things.
It’s pretty straightforward to weed out the guys who aren’t attuned to you as a real person.
You just have to raise your standards and set healthy boundaries.
And, integrate and heal your sexuality so you’re not attracting men with issues.
Xoxo, Violet
PS if you are ready for a legitimate relationship, where any sexting is because you’re already madly in love, sign up now to talk for a free Breakthrough to Love session. You can make dating a win for you (and sidestep all the crazy) to get a lifetime of love. Pick out your spot here now: www.violetlange.com/apply
