Is love *really* just a numbers game?
And if so, what are your odds?
I talk to women every day who have been single for years.
They go on a few dates a month…
They’re attractive, smart, successful, and kind.
These are AMAZING women, just like you.
But there’s something missing…
Despite going on ALL of these dates,
And despite being on ALL of the dating apps,
And despite really having their stuff together…
They never get asked out on a third, fourth, or fifth date.
After putting themselves out there again and again,
they never get into an actual relationship.
You know, the kind where they know he’ll bring them orange juice when they’re sick…
The kind where they get to plan for a future together, like camping trips or going to Paris…
The kind where they get to share their deep secrets and hidden pain…
the things that really sucked about being a kid or their worst heartbreak…
and get held while they cry…
The worst part about believing dating is a “numbers game,”
Isn’t actually going on a million dates (although trust me, that gets exhausting)…
It’s missing out on the soul-mates who were ready for you,
But knew better than to spend all of their time online.
A quality guy isn’t spending all his time on Tinder…
He’s advancing his career…
Hitting the gym…
Meeting his friends for a hike or happy hour.
He’s walking past you in Whole Foods,
Networking next to you at a Meet-Up event,
Telling his friends he’s finally ready to meet a great woman.
But if you aren’t ready for love, on the inside, it doesn’t matter where you walk past him.
Love isn’t a numbers game
It’s a commitment process:
Of being totally willing to say NO to the guy who you know isn’t a good fit, BEFORE you go out
Even if he seems “nice,” or his profile “checks all the boxes”…
It’s a commitment process:
Of being 1000% committed to being present, for yourself…
and dating with your heart not just your mind.
It’s a commitment process:
Of trusting your intuition and looking for LOVE,
Not more dates.
Don’t ever hire a dating coach,
Unless you really love dating and aren’t serious about love.
Hire a LOVE expert, someone who understands relationships
How to get one
How to keep one
And how not to mess it up along the way
…which I’ve done more than a dozen times….
(I used to be the Queen of short-term relationships)
Dating has changed more in the last 5 years than in the last 50
And unfortunately it’s created a false idea that more is better…
(more apps, more partners, more selfies lol)
But most women I talk to are lonely.
It’s no longer fun.
Their heart and soul want MORE,
And they realized long ago that the odds are NOT in their favor.
Despite all the frenzy,
Only 1 in 10 NEW committed relationships (defined as people who have been married 5 years or less) started online (Pew Research source below)
Only 1 in 20 of all committed relationships started online — that’s 5%!
AND, a full one-third of people online have never even gone on a date with someone they met online….
Yeah, those are the guys wasting your time.
The women I work with know they want LOVE,
Not dating.
And they’re ready to be efficient,
Effective,
Dare I say, strategic,
To attract the right love.
If this is you — if you’ve been online but haven’t gone out,
Or if you go out often from online date but it never lasts more than a month,
We should talk.
Message me below — when’s the last time you had a real relationship?
And what’s the FIRST thing you’d do if you woke up with a committed, loving partner?
Would you make each other pancakes?
Or sleep in til 11?
Would you walk the dog together?
Or hop in the car for a road trip?
Daydreaming about love isn’t enough to make him show up,
But neither is online dating.
What you need is a proven strategy, a community to support you, and a mentor who knows the ropes.
Who can walk you through step-by-step how to meet a real guy, in person, and create a real relationship that goes the distance.
Who can take the daydream, and turn it into reality.
If this sounds interesting to you, I’d love to talk.
Private message me or reply to this email.
And, if this pissed you off, I want to hear that too.
If you’re frustrated, I get it. If you just spent 10 years in dating prison, I feel for you.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Break free!
Xoxo, Violet
Source: http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/02/29/5-facts-about-online-dating/
I’ve gone 2 years or so without dating because I got tired of women immediately starting every date with the third degree about my job. They know nothing about me and barely my name and already “what do you do for a living?” “Do you like your job?” “blah, blah, blah your job.” They don’t even try to hide it that they’re trying to judge my income now and potential income in the future. I’ve been on entire dates where nothing else but what I do for a living is discussed despite my effort to change the subject. I feel like if I just bring my W2 on every date it would save me TONS of time. She can reject me right there or approve of me and we can talk about something else. By the end of those dates the woman know NOTHING about me personally and she makes a determination 00% based on what my job is, my attitude towards it, and how I discussed it. I have a job, it’s stable, I have an income. Do we discuss that I’m an author that’s published 2 novels? No. Do we discuss that I’m also a musician who’s released 3 albums? No. We discuss my job. Do I get to ask her questions about herself? No. What she wants me to know she’ll volunteer. Usually it’s about her job and almost never anything more. If I wanted to spend the evening discussing my job I would have stayed at work. At least that way I could be making money instead of spending it. Do women care about anything besides what a man does for a living? Is the only thing women want out of dating is material possessions? They judge men and they know nothing about his personality, likes, dislikes, whether or not he’s compatible with her at all. I’ve known women who’ve stayed in terrible relationships with jerks who made them cry all the time and when you ask why they reference something he bought her as her defense for putting up with outright emotional abuse. A friend of mine pointed out (yet again) to her mother how terrible her boyfriend is and she responded “but he bought me this refrigerator.” So, as long as you buy her crap you can treat her however you want? Huh? My own mother stayed in a very unhappy marriage with my father who was a known cheater and thrise diagnosed psychopath and narcissist. He treated her like crap and more often I’d be somewhere in the house listening to him yell at her. She complained about how terrible he was all the time. Guess what? He’s a doctor who makes almost a million a year. She stayed with him “for the kids” she says. All of “the kids” were grown and out of the house. All she did by the end was complain about him, complain about his girlfriend, and…big surprise…spend his money like it was water. The marriage only ended when my dad finally filed for divorce. My mother never would have because it meant she’d lose access to his money. I knew one guy (years ago, was an acquaintance, don’t remember his name) who was datingw who he thought was the love of his life. They’d been together for a few years. One day his company downsizes and he loses his job through no fault of his own. He’s had the job before he even met his girlfriend so he’s proven he can find one and hold it down with no issues. When he told her she immediately broke up with him and never spoke to him again (or at least to this day). I’ve dated women where they didn’t seem to want me for my money, but then again gas and car repairs cost money and I did feel like a chauffeur. Anyway, in my experience dating = women want money, the guys personality doesn’t matter as long as he’s not abusive (unless his income is high enough for her to over look it), and anything you get from her (conversation, etc) depends solely on what she gets from you first, if she accommodates your wants or needs by choice then they’re still your wants and needs so your still putting yourself first even if she didn’t it on her own free will so you better have as few as possible, andyou have to make ALL the moves (if you make a wrong one then bam, that’s strike one), and how do you know which moves to make? If you love her you’ll just magically know and she’ll never even so much as hint because if she has to then that means you don’t love her. So, long story short, dating = women exist for the sole purpose of men giving them crap and doing crap for them and if the man doesn’t shut up and put up…NEXT! Emotions? She only uses those to keep the gravy train going. Say no to anything once…one time…and she never ever ever let’s you forget it and that’s when you realize she’s been treating the relationship like nothing more than transnational. She begins withholding sex until you turn that no into a yes and from there you begin noticing everything. The only nights she has sex with you, or is romantic, or is happy to sit and watch TV with you (or whatever it is) and on nights you did chore around the house without having to be told. Being unaware that something needs to be done? Not an excuse. If you loved her you’d magically know and just do it. Then you have to make the decision. The relation is transaction. Tit for tat. It’s not about you, it’s about what she can get pout of you and what she’ll do to keep getting it. Do the dishes and we’ll have sex. Don’t do the dishes and I have a headache. So, the choice is…do you stay in a relationship where her love is earned on merit system full well knowing she can turn it off like a light switch…so does she even really care? As long as you do everything she wants but refuses to let you know she wants yes. Or do you end it and end up giving her a minimum of half off all your stuff. Half definitely does include possessions that you’ve had before marriage and some she doesn’t even want. It’s material possessions. She’ll take anything she can get. Now, here’s the other thing. If she can turn off her love for you so easily, does that mean she has no real emotions? No. She needs affection and all that so she’ll turn off her feelings for you and go an get what she wants frpom someone else. That’s cheating. But, since she’s mad at you it’s your fault she did. Another strike against you.