The myth is, you should always follow your heart.
The truth is, you should NOT always follow your heart.
My client Teresa used to get into any relationship that “felt right”...but often times the guy would stop calling after a month or two.
She kept banging her head against the wall, and when she found me she was exhausted.
But she knew she deserved more, and that it was urgent for her to change before one more day of missed opportunities slipped by.
Despite some of her own fears and resistance to investing in herself, we started working together.
She learned the tools to date effectively and to keep a relationship going.
She started attracted higher quality men — men with integrity.
She got into a great relationship where he treats her like a Queen — after all those years of her treating the man like a king and getting nothing in return, she finally got to experience feeling LOVED.
How many loving, kind women do you know who are single? LOTS!
If it were just about following your heart, anyone who wanted a relationship would be in a relationship.
But here’s the deal — most people are starving for love and their heart is NOT leading them into the right places, just like Teresa before she started to change.
This is a HUGE PROBLEM that’s affecting your love life right now.
You think you’re doing the right thing by following your heart…
but if your heart isn’t in alignment and congruence with your gut and your head, you will fail.
You will follow your heart at the expense of your gut which is saying get the heck out of here!
Or you will follow your heart at the expense of your head which is saying this guy’s life vision isn’t what I really want.
There’s nothing wrong with having heart, or following our heart, in life and in love.
But if you do so without getting help to change your patterns and integrate your head, heart, and gut, it’s going to be a disaster.
This is why so many women attract the same type of guy…
This is why WAY too many women stay WAY too long in a relationship that just isn’t working, wasting them months and years.
If it sounds like I’m fired up, it’s because I am. Because this is costing women their future. Their ability to have kids. Their confidence. Their sanity!
And there’s so much misplaced spiritual stuff out there that says to “just follow your heart”….when in fact that might not be safe.
Now does this mean to date from your head and turn into a robot? No.
But you have to understand the tools it takes to date and the support it takes to date effectively.
You know how they say it takes a village to raise a child?
It takes a village to create a great relationship — because you are bringing all of your old relationships, your family, your preconceived beliefs etc into a relationship and it takes a lot of work to fix that.
This means hiring a mentor with a tribe of women to uplift and support you every step of the way.
The women I help are crushing it in love — getting more dates with higher quality men and getting into better relationships, faster.
But they didn’t get there by it being easy, or by just waiting for the right guy to show up.
It actually takes CHANGING — our nervous system, our approach, our patterns.
If that sounds like a lot of work, then you can totally stay where you’re at, no problem. You can read this blog and others and not actually change — this is easy to do when we’re saturated with so much information.
But if that sounds like the type of work that’s FUN for you — healing, integrating, learning, growing, and making lasting change for a relationship that knocks your socks off, then let’s get on the phone.
I’ll see if I can help you, and if not, you’ll still get a ton of value on the call and clarity about what’s out of alignment in your love life.
Xoxo, Violet
P.S. if you get fired up about changing your love life, if you’re determined to have a healthy relationship, and if you know you deserve more, then I’d love to see if I can help. Just set up a free Breakthrough to Love call here — there are a few spots open this holiday week so you can have some fireworks this year! www.violetlange.com/talk
