So many women are sick of going on dates without feeling any magnetism to the person…
“Where are the butterflies?” they want to know…
“Why am I not that attracted to him, when he treats me so well?” they say…
“How long do I go on like this, Violet?” they ask…
I do NOT advocate dating someone you’re turned off by, or someone you don’t respect, or someone you don’t feel safe with…
I also do NOT advocate staying in a passion-less, flat, boring situation because of guilt that you might “hurt his feelings.”
However, you might be surprised on which number date my clients who got married found out “he was the One…” It’s NEVER the first date. EVER!
I have many married clients who met their husband because of our work together, in fact one who just got married on April 5th!
And it has always happened over time…a dawning awareness…a “curiosity at first sight” but not a “weak in the knees” at first sight sort of thing.
When I posted on Instagram the other day that I don’t believe in love at first sight, wow, people got upset. But it’s true, I don’t believe you can love someone instantly and know they are “the one”…
Chemistry is important…but it’s the blend of physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual attraction that deepens over time, not the kind that hits you out of the blue in one second. That sort of rush is a re-enactment of old patterns and the desire to “fix” a situation from the past that this new person reminds you of, even subconsciously.
My married clients tell me they knew he was the one on the 5th date, on average. Yes, you read that right — FIVE dates.
What tipped it in his favor, after not being sure?
1–My now married clients felt that their now husband treated them better than anyone else had…more consistency, more direct communication, more connection. She KNEW he wanted her and didn’t have to guess, which helped her feel safe.
2–My married clients felt drawn to their now husband, but not necessarily physically. None of them said “I can’t wait to kiss him” or “he’s so sexy!” in the first few dates. Instead they said things like “I like him” or “he’s really interesting” or “there’s a lot we have in common, like our values and some of our interests”
3–The chemistry took over, in a good way, once these women were present in their hearts instead of rejecting their guy and staying stuck in their head. Let go of comparing him to an ex, and let go of an old pattern of “proving” you’re lovable to emotionally unavailable men.
But how do you get to the fifth date without feeling like you’re wasting your time? And without pushing the right guy away?
Mature Dating. And this takes guidance from a coach — someone to help you see your blind spots and the ways you push away commitment and healthy love.
Imagine what it would be like to speak your truth, express your needs, have the freedom to choose?
Imagine what it would be like to be pursued and wanted, but at your own pace so you didn’t feel smothered?
Imagine what it would feel like to have the attraction and passion get HOTTER every date instead of fizzle out after a few months?
Are you ready for the One?
Xoxo, Violet
P.S. if you’re ready for the one, get ready to change your patterns and date differently. It requires skill and a new attitude, but it’s totally worth it to find your forever partner. If that’s what you’re committed to and have the courage to be self-aware, let’s talk. Our free Breakthrough to Love 45 minute sessions go fast, so sign up here to get expert guidance now: www.violetlange.com/talk
