I used to get so frustrated when I was single if I felt “blocked”…
You know, if I felt like I was doing all the right things, but I wasn’t having any dates or at least any dates with the type of people I was interested in.
I used to think that dating was all about accumulating…accumulating interest from men so I could feel certain that I’d have a boyfriend or a steady stream of guys interested in me.
Pretty lame, but also pretty standard since I had a big fear of abandonment (and another fear of rejection). When I wasn’t worried about being too much, I was worried about not being enough.
I would say I was ready for love…but truthfully I wasn’t.
It didn’t dawn on me until later that I still had a ton of pent-up energy directed at people who were NOT interested in me.
I was keeping the hope alive that an ex would return, or that the guy I had a crush on would start to notice me more, or that the person I dated who didn’t want to commit would all of a sudden realize he WAS ready, and was ready for me.
I became very good at living in a fantasy of future love…and clinging desperately to the past.
This wouldn’t bother me so much at work, or at the gym, or when I was conquering my to-do list.
But it would creep up on me when I was out with my girlfriends yet feeling so alone, seeing them get all the attention or listening to them complain about men…
It would creep up on me when it was a Friday night and I felt lonely and tired — I didn’t want to go out, but I didn’t want to just go to bed without any interaction or human connection…
It would creep up on me when I went back through Facebook profiles of my exes, or reread text messages, or even reminisced about poems they wrote me or what I wore on a memorable date.
Truthfully, I’m not a very nostalgic person. But I had such a strong desire for love that I would do whatever I could in my mind to make it feel like love was happening for me — past, present, and future.
But I was totally missing the most important step…
Which is releasing, in order to receive.
So many women (and I used to be like this too) spend years, and so much energy, analyzing men. They pine over an ex or an emotionally unavailable guy. They hold themselves hostage to old situation or impossible loves.
I’m all about the romance and the fairytale. But too often we forget that we are the heroine in our own story. We are the women who can have everything we want, IF, we’re willing to learn, grow, and change.
And that’s the problem — most of us want to receive a new experience in love, but we’re not willing to release what’s blocking us from our future.
How do you get around this?
Make it safe to release the old — old stories, old patterns, old beliefs, old loves. And it doesn’t feel safe in our nervous system to release unless we have someone helping us by holding space, encouraging us, and guiding us to a new future.
You are whole, complete, and lovable. But you’re probably holding on to things that don’t serve you anymore. Most likely you’re not even sure what those things are, you just have a feeling that you’re stuck or spinning your wheels.
And if you need some empowerment to release and guidance on how to receive the love you truly want, let’s talk. Set up a free 20 minute discovery call to see if we can help you: www.violetlange.com/talk
PS if you feel stuck or blocked in love, or just aren’t receiving the quality of guy or commitment you desire, set up a short call with us here. These 20 minute discovery calls are free and an easy way to take the next step. We’ll ask you a few questions to see what’s been going on for you in your love life and talk about your future. Just go to www.violetlange.com/talk