The myth is, being loving means giving and giving.
The truth is, being loving means giving and RECEIVING.
So many women think “I give and give and give. I’m attractive. Kind. Successful. Why can’t I find love?”
Many of these women think they are empathetic. But the truth is, they are sympathetic.
They give in order to protect themselves from being hurt. Their giving is a way to control others, and maintain a “perfect” image of themselves.
They are lacking the ability to receive, a hallmark of true empathy.
If you can’t receive, your heart isn’t actually open — it’s closed.
And if your heart isn’t open, you are living in sympathy for others, not empathy.
Men can’t stand sympathy. It feels pitying.
They want your connection, your authenticity, your empathy, and your open heart.
They want to give to you and feel and see the happiness they are creating as you receive.
I’ve worked with women who had a VERY hard time receiving.
They were burnt out as all get out, and as much as they wanted love, they rarely got it.
In fact, one of my clients Linda is in healthcare. When she came to me, she was giving so much to other people as part of her job and her life but was growing increasingly resentful.
She came to me knowing she needed to change and was willing to open her heart and heal from the past. The way she had been approaching love just wasn’t working.
Being a doctor, she was a bit skeptical of the methods I use for femininity and emotional readiness.
But in a matter of a few months, she completely changed her patterns in love and is now with a great guy who will move heaven and earth to see her and care for her.
They’re talking about marriage and babies and their bigger vision for the world.
He supports her adventurous spirit and her open heart. He protects her, instead of taking advantage of her.
She has a true partner now, not just a pet she takes care of!
I’m going to be very blunt, ladies.
It’s time to stop being the hero for everyone.
Oftentimes the people who want to be the hero are those who have been victimized in the past but haven’t yet done their work to heal.
Is this making sense? If you feel the pull to overly care for others and overgive, there is something you have not healed or addressed yet. And that is exactly what is getting in the way of a good relationship.
You can step out of the drama triangle (victim, perpetrator, hero) and step into a conscious, loving, deep partnership with lots of giving AND receiving…
that drama triangle is a losing situation vs an empowered relationship where everyone wins.
But first, you have to open your heart and let go of control as well as the self-image of fixing others and being the hero.
All the time you spend fixing others is time you could be spending in a great relationship. And that time is valuable.
“The most dangerous risk of all — the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later” — Randy Komisar
This quote isn’t just about a job, it’s about your life.
You might think it’s fine to stay stuck in love, but there’s no guarantee the right guy is going to be out there for you later.
Men choose the best available option when they’re ready to commit. Will you be ready and emotionally available for him?
Xoxo, Violet
PS if you’re ready to open your heart and attract a partner who values you, and if you’re committed to receiving great love, let’s talk. I have a few spots open for my signature Breakthrough to Love free session. In it, you’ll get total clarity on what’s holding you back from a true partnership. If it feels like a good fit for us to work together, I’ll share more about my program for women. If not, you’ll get some resources to support you on your path. Either way, everyone wins. Find a time here: www.violetlange.com/talk
