If only…can be a disease. And keep us from our dreams!


If only…the apps were better…


If only…men didn’t suck…


If only…I lived in a better city…


Sound familiar?


Maybe you’ve said these things, or heard them from a friend. It’s so easy to blame the outside world when we don’t have what we want!


I used to fall into that same trap…blaming my ex, blaming my parents, blaming where I lived.


But with all the blaming, I wasn’t actually growing…and I wasn’t getting any closer to what I really wanted — LOVE!


If you’re struggling in dating, I get it — things are harder now than ever before.


And yet, people get married every day! Don’t you want that to be you?


Here’s the drawback with blaming…you lose all control over a situation. When it’s someone else’s “fault” you will never be able to change them and get what you need.


That’s a big price to pay, giving up your dreams and needs, for the short-lived pleasure of blaming someone else.


But, it’s not your fault either!


What if there were no one at fault? What if there were no one to blame?


What if every glance, message, and date were an opportunity to get closer to love?


The blame game originates from limited thinking of right and wrong, good and bad, innocent and guilty. But the world of relationships is much more complex than that!


Once you drop this habit of finding fault, everything opens up, including your heart. And openness, and willingness to grow, bring your partner to you much quicker.


But after working with countless women to find love — even women in rural areas, even women over 60, even women who had been single for years — I’ve discovered that this learning-mindset can backfire on us if we get lost in the books or blogs.


Having a growth mindset, and stepping beyond blame, requires someone to help us see our blindspots AND to help us implement new skills. Otherwise we’re just going to be dating from our head, and that never works.


Are you ready to stop finding fault, and start finding fabulous, flirty, lasting love?


Xoxo, Violet

PS if you’re ready for your best love ever and ready to stop dating and start settling down with the man of your dreams, AND… if you’re ready to drop the blame and start to love, let’s talk! I only work with women who are ready to uplevel in every part of their life and ready to open their hearts instead of finding fault. If that’s you, sign up for a free 45 minute Breakthrough to Love call here: www.violetlange.com/talk

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