{"id":2071,"date":"2018-03-15T09:05:38","date_gmt":"2018-03-15T16:05:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/violetlange.com\/?p=2071"},"modified":"2018-03-15T09:05:38","modified_gmt":"2018-03-15T16:05:38","slug":"the-dark-side-of-being-vulnerable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/violetlange.com\/blog\/the-dark-side-of-being-vulnerable\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dark Side of Being Vulnerable"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/strong><\/p>\n

In my Facebook Live video last week on how to draw a man closer, there were quite a few women who commented and said something that shocked me\u2026\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

They\u00a0said, \u201cwhen I try to be vulnerable it doesn\u2019t work.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Whoa.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

This took me by surprise for two reasons.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

One, I feel protective of anyone who\u2019s sharing from the heart, and their feelings are shamed or disregarded.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Not cool!\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

A real man will cherish your feelings, desires, and needs.<\/p>\n

He may not be able to meet your needs — for\u00a0instance, he may not want kids, and you do…but he won\u2019t make you feel bad about expressing yourself.<\/p>\n

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around someone or if they always tear you down, I have one word for you:<\/p>\n

Run!<\/p>\n

But seriously, the foundation of a healthy relationship is emotional safety.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t feel safe to express how you feel, then it\u2019s going make it more challenging to relate\u2026<\/p>\n

This can impact not only the emotional connection but also our sex life too.<\/p>\n

Often if we can\u2019t open up to someone with our heart, it\u2019s hard to do with our body as well.<\/p>\n

However, and this is a big deal, you might be sharing (being vulnerable) in a way that\u2019s not serving you\u2026<\/p>\n

This was the second thing which shocked me when a few women said they couldn\u2019t be vulnerable\u2026<\/p>\n

It shocked me that their best intentions — to share, to give and receive love — were having the opposite effect of what they wanted!<\/p>\n

There IS a particular way of sharing which invites a man closer.<\/p>\n

And a particular way which will backfire every time.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The difference?<\/p>\n

Taking ownership of your experience.<\/p>\n

If you share how you feel from a place of neediness or whining or blame, that will never work<\/p>\n

If you share how you feel from a place of expressing your truth\u00a0in\u00a0the moment, that will wake a man up.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an example:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou never call me! How can we be dating for a month and you\u2019ve never called. You don\u2019t even care about me. Ugh!\u201d<\/p>\n

Versus<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel\u00a0kinda\u00a0anxious because I do not feel as connected to you as I\u2019d like. I love getting to know you, and I admire what you have to say…plus it gets me excited \ud83d\ude42 I want to give you plenty of space, and I also want to feel our connection getting deeper and deeper. Would you be able to call me sometime this week? That would feel so good! I\u2019d be excited.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

It does take more effort to communicate in a way that\u2019s vulnerable AND gives a\u00a0man\u00a0space to step up.<\/p>\n

In the example I shared, it took about double the number of words.<\/p>\n

But wow will that save you time down the road!<\/p>\n

If he said \u201cno, I won\u2019t call you,\u201d or said \u201csure\u201d but never did\u2026<\/p>\n

then you\u2019d have useful information on how committed and interested he is, and how able he is to honor his commitments to you.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

It wouldn\u2019t be personal — you could stay angry in the first example and fight about it, or speak clearly, be vulnerable, and then move on if he isn\u2019t able to support you how you want.<\/p>\n

Which would save you another 3 to 6 months of feeling anxious and upset that he\u2019s not calling you…and save you the heartache of him pulling away more and more and more\u00a0till\u00a0he\u2019s gone.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Does this make sense?<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not sure how to open up and share more in a way that draws him closer\u2026<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve attracted men who don\u2019t value you, who don\u2019t protect you,<\/p>\n

Or if you\u2019re ready to learn a better way to express yourself,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then relating\u00a0through\u00a0vulnerability is key.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

With the right man, and in the right way.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

When you master this, the whole world opens up to you!<\/p>\n

Not just through deeper emotional connection, better intimacy, and getting what you want from your partner,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

But it also attracts genuine men to you who want to protect you.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

And, it gives you the power to get what you want and share how you feel in any situation.<\/p>\n

My clients have upgraded their romantic lives, sure, but they\u2019ve also become the empowered, confident woman they always wanted to be.<\/p>\n

The more you share in the right way, the more powerful you become. Vulnerability IS strength!<\/p>\n

Xoxo, Violet<\/p>\n

P.S. if you want to check out our Facebook Live videos, just click to join our private Facebook Group the\u00a0Art of Passionate Intimacy<\/a>. There are about 50 great videos and a community of 1500+ incredible women mastering love.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my Facebook Live video last week on how to draw a man closer, there were quite a few women who commented and said something that shocked me\u2026\u00a0 They\u00a0said, \u201cwhen I try to be vulnerable it doesn\u2019t work.\u201d\u00a0 Whoa.\u00a0 This took me by surprise for two reasons.\u00a0 One, I feel protective of anyone who\u2019s sharing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2072,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Dark Side of Being Vulnerable - Violet Lange<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/violetlange.com\/blog\/the-dark-side-of-being-vulnerable\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Dark Side of Being Vulnerable - 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